I studied Formation Art in college. At one point, I was on track to have a degree in Art Education but quickly changed to a Studio degree when I saw all the "philosophy" classes I would have to take in lei of actual art.
Teaching is in my blood, I guess you can say. Maybe it's the "bossy older sister" coming out or my desire to see things done and people taught right. Mostly it's my Dad's influence and the constant model he has been, not only in his professional life but as a user of "teachable moments"
I remember as a little kid, telling some others that I was going to be a teacher when I grew up. They mockingly laughed and said that's what all little girls say they want to be. I was infuriated, and determined to show anyone that it wasn't just kid talk.
My dream of teaching took a back road for awhile. The thought was always there and the opportunities came with my siblings and church classes. But as a career, I was a little worried of the commitment.
When China opened up, I jumped at the chance. I'd be teaching. I knew I could do that. And I'd be overseas. I knew I wanted to do that.
I loved teaching. I loved planning and scheming ways to get my students interaction. I loved the adrenaline rush I got right before walking in front of a classroom for my "performance". I loved the joy I felt when I could see a student get something and watch their progress. I loved the connection I gained with individuals who where putting themselves vulnerably into my hands and my classroom.
This last year, I convinced my boss to allow me to teach an art class along side my secretarial duties. He made me poll the students and find out who would be interested. I wrote up a report of those that wanted to take it, those who qualified and how the schedule could be adjusted. After warnings of making the class "intellectual" and not just "activity" (duh), I finally had my dream.
The minute I started teaching art, I knew I had found my niche. I loved it. I researched and planned and prepared and studied and lay awake at night dreaming of projects. Everything I loved about teaching English in China was ten-fold in my art class because now I was not only teaching but teaching MY subject.
Last week, I visited with the art teacher whose position I will be filling. As I tried to calm my anxiety over the amount of organizing I would need to do in order to make the place functional, I listened to him tell me about my new students and the projects he had them do each year. I quickly learned our philosophies of art education are as different as night and day. And while it's daunting to think of walking into a teaching position knowing that you will be something people are not used to, the thrill of excitement is starting to come and I look forward to that first day when my fear of inadequacy will be squelched by the rush of adrenaline and the joy of knowing I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Monday, June 18
Becoming an Art Teacher
Thursday, June 14
(Still) Learning to TRUST
There have been those times in my life where everything seemed to fall into place. All the pieces would come together and things would just happen the way it was supposed to. Those are peaceful, stress free, enjoyable experiences. I savor those moments because they don't come very often.
The reality is that things seem to be a little harder most of the time. The minute I start to feel like I have things figured out, or questions are beginning to be answered or I'm just getting comfortable, the rug is pulled out from under me and the world is once again upside down.
Here's the thing right now: My parents recently decided to accept a job back at their old school in the OKC area. They informed their current employers that they would be leaving at the end of July in order to start their new assignment the middle of August. About a week ago however, their employer decided that they needed them out of their house (their housing is provided by their work) and completed with their jobs by the end of June. This of course was quite a stir up from their original plans.
Along side of that, I have an upcoming job in Bartlesville. While I am incredibly excited, though somewhat overwhelmed, about the job, I am starting to question whether or not I myself will have housing. Kelley and I spent several hours yesterday driving around the city and making phone calls on potential renting possibilities. As we drove, I began adding up the amount of money required for deposits, etc. We didn't find many workable options. We left discouraged and with even more questions then answers on what my future would hold.
Great words from my mom, "God isn't going to leave you homeless" to which I responded, "hopefully not for very long at least".
There is no doubt in my mind that things will work out. He's already answered the prayer for my family and provided them a house that they can move into right away. Their answer came pretty quickly.
It's taking a little longer for mine.
And while what I said above about "no doubt" is what I want to be true; if there truly was no doubts, would I have this knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach?
Trust is defined as: the "firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of another"
God's integrity is perfect. God's ability is perfect. God's character is perfect. And I can rely on Him.
I guess He will continue to turn my world upside down, shake things up and move me out of my comfort state so that I will learn to trust HIM.
